Well, first shame on me for not posting on 9/11. I had some nice, elaborate post in my head that never made it to the blog and now I can't remember it for the life of me. Labor day was nice, but missing Monday really threw me off and for much of the week I felt like I was just treading above water, know what I mean?
Mom and dad were here yesterday and Avery had a grand time with her cousin, Sebastian. Gigi and Paps were keeping him and we all went to visit. They chased each other and screamed and had the best time running and playing. I kept looking at them thinking "Wow, this is what it would be like to have 2!" And then I realized if I had given birth to the first little boy I was pregnant with, he would be almost exactly the same age as Sebastian. You'd think after 3 years it wouldn't bring tears. It wouldn't cause pain to rush back like the day that it happened. All of those memories would be so vague. But they're not. I can remember it so clearly. I think of the overwhelming love I have for Avery and I think of the little boy I never got to meet. I know I love him, but not like I love Avery. I think of what an important part of our life he'd be if he were here. How much Avery would love him. How we'd be 'done' with having kids...a little family, so complete. But after a while you do learn not to question it. Not to question Him. You just wipe away tears and know that one day, you'll understand. One day, you'll meet that little boy. And you learn to be so thankful. Avery looked up at me today and said "Ma-ma" in the sweetest little voice you could imagine. And I just grabbed her and held her. And thanked God for her. And knew that no matter what, we are blessed beyond imagination. Avery is getting so big and I think about another baby often, but I just know it's not the right time...and it may never be. The risk of complications or losing another baby are so high. So, for now, we will love our little Avery Grace. And squeeze her tight every chance we get! And watch her close, because when we don't she tends to...
...contemplate standing on top of the laundry basket...
...decide that could be a great idea...
...develop a technique to climb on top...
...then crawling up on all fours...
...slowly begins to stand...
...and just as mommy is coming for her... she JUMPS!